Episode 3: Voices- Shit Fights

Episode 3: Voices

Grant slumped in his chair feeling the soft handles of the bitten armrests. The torn sage pleather on his left side exposed the foam Carl was eating last week. Carl was a “non-food eater”. He ate glass and shards of metal and buttons and clothing and shoelaces and stuffed animals and poop. One time, he ate a jump rope complete with red plastic handles. The doctors thought intestinal surgery imperative to remove the twisted rainbow rope, but it all came out the other end after some serious sedation and powerful tugging. Carl was gross; he had to be watched all the time. Unfortunately, Grant had given his meds to the orderly in charge of Carl’s bad habit.

There’s going to be a fight. Don’t get involved. You’ll want to protect Jenkins, but he can handle this shit.

“No, not a fight with Carl. Can I warn him?”

Grant, would warning him be getting involved?

The voices were showing sarcasm; this was a new development in their personality. “No need to be snippy, Voices. Your sarcasm is noted.”

Jenkins stared with incredulity every time Grant spoke outwardly to the voices.

“I think you're Crazy I think you're Crazy I think you're Crazy Just like Meee... “

Jenkins danced and sang Gnarls Barclay wiggling his naked butt and grooving his shoulders, fists clenched, upper teeth secured over lower lip and squatted inches from Carl’s face giving him an eyeful of hairy starfish. He winked, and Grant thought he smelled the remnants of breakfast wafting through the Rec. Room; hard boiled eggs are never a good idea.

Carl haphazardly slapped the air and accidentally caught his hand in Jenkins’ gown. He ripped viciously to untangle himself from the wrap, but only succeeded in getting closer to Jenkins’ naked body. A cluster fuck of fat man and sage material blossomed two heads, four legs and a furry flurry of arms; Carl’s orderly was sleeping peacefully behind the nurse’s station.

“If you want to destroy my sweater
Pull this thread while I walk away
Watch me unravel
I’ll soon be naked
Lying on the floor
(Lying on the floor)
I come undone.”

Jenkins yelled lyrics uncontrollably while Grant watched helplessly. Going against the voices was a terrible idea; a shit storm erupted the last time he ignored their instructions.

The two men tumbled to the ground as the commotion stole focus from Judy’s song and dance hour. She stamped her ruby slipper repeatedly in attempts to regain the attentions of her adoring throng, but they filtered to the fight until she was alone in a weeping heap pounding dramatic fists into the corner. “Liza! You never loved me. Liza!”

The room exploded into gibbering screams as Carl shat into his hand, smeared it on Jenkins’ leg and flung it forcefully to the floor. They slipped to the ground again, covered in brown and flicked mess with bare feet across the room splattering spots of shit on green gowns.

Grant stayed as far from the melee as possible, but the smell was overwhelming. He wanted escape, but was mixed with the rest of the nuts. He felt like a lone candied pecan in a tin of unsalted. He glanced at the fight to see Carl nibbling peanuts out of his shit.

They’re all going to vomit.

“Oh, yeah? Really? Thanks Voices! You’re real astute. I NEVER would have figured that one out!”

Your sarcasm is noted. Get to the corner. Be quiet.

The vomit sullied the circle surrounding the fight. Grant fought the reaction to sympathetically hurl. He gagged it back thinking of the ocean and the fresh salt air. He breathed slowly through his mouth and backed to the far edge of the Rec. Room.

An army of nurses and orderlies finally arrived bearing sweet needles of savior sedation. They plunged indiscriminately into screaming flesh. Anyone with a spot of fecal matter or puke marring their gown was hunted down. Most fell flat into human liquid when the cavalry appeared preparing for the plunge into six hour sleep; Grant stood meekly and watched the scattering refugees eaten by hungry hypodermics.

He was the only patient left standing.

Her appointments are now cancelled. You get her alone all afternoon. You’re welcome.